The Teaching Mum

A light-hearted look at parenting through the eyes of a very busy English Teacher.

An Ode to Sleep – Or Lack of it. AKA ‘Sleep in my own bed? You’re having a laugh.’


‘If my children slept,’ she wept, ‘I’d get all my housework done.’
‘During the light summer nights, I could enjoy a beer on the decking and watch the setting sun.’

‘If my children slept,’ she wept, ‘my evenings would be free.’

‘I could complete my day’s marking and then watch American box sets on my TV.’

‘If my children slept,’ she wept, ‘the other half and I could share an evening date.’

‘Who am I kidding there?’ she mused. ‘No way would I ever venture out and stay up late.’

‘My children don’t like sleeping,’ she cried. ‘Why is this so true?’

‘After watching Barbie: Life in my Dreamhouse a dozen times, the girl will always suddenly need a poo.’

‘My children don’t like sleeping,’ she cried. ‘They’re afraid to sleep alone.’

‘There are no monsters under our beds though, just the Other Half laying in the girl’s room playing Tetris on his phone.’

‘My children don’t like sleeping,’ she moaned. ‘Even thick formula doesn’t do the trick.’

‘And when I pull out a boob for comfort, the boy decides to projectile vomit.’

‘My children just don’t like sleeping,’ she confirmed. ‘I know I am always complaining.’

‘It’s been six months since the boy came along and I am desperate to go netball training.’

‘Shhhh, my children are sleeping,’ she whispered. ‘The house is finally quiet.

‘I’m off to raid the fridge for chocolate and destroy my post pregnancy diet.’

‘Shhhh, my children are sleeping,’ she mused. ‘Finally some alone time.’

‘In fear of them waking up, I never get to savour my red wine.

‘Shhhh, my children are sleeping,’ she whispered. ‘Adult talk for mum and dad.’

‘But he tells me I look tired, hooks up Netflix and starts to watch Breaking Bad.’

‘Shhhh, my children are finally sleeping,’ she says. ‘I think the boy must be teething.’

‘I’ll just nip back upstairs, you know, to check they’re both ok and still breathing…’

‘We’re not off to sleep, Mum. Get your pyjamas on and don’t even bother going back downstairs.’

I don’t even know why I have used the pronoun ‘she’. You all know the person in the poem is me.





A Cornish Mum

12 thoughts on “An Ode to Sleep – Or Lack of it. AKA ‘Sleep in my own bed? You’re having a laugh.’

  1. Very clever! Even with your sleep deprived brain you managed to write this – good going! #picknmix

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh yes, it certainly is a mission getting children to sleep! Jack is such a light sleeper so my every move in the day seems to be in stealth mode! I’ll manage a nice hot cup of tea one day whilst he is sleeping! Love this post 🙂 #PicknMix


  3. Fantastic! Great post. I think we were here for 7 months and barely noticed the transition to back to normal. It’s amazing how much you crave it, then take it for granted when you have it back! #wholenightsleep #picknmix


  4. Awww you poor thing 😦 this is a fab post though!!!
    this is my fear when baby 2 comes along, Arthur has always been a good sleeper but I have this sinking feeling it’s all going to go tits up!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Uhhh I meant #picknmix it’s not Tuesday…….. It’s Friday, come on woman get it together!!!!


    • Ha ha! 36 wks pregnant? Baby brain has kicked in! Hope it all goes well. It won’t go tits up – you’ll be great. We are too soft that’s all and even though I know I should be getting the boy to stay in his cot, it’s just too damned easy to have him in bed with me where I know he will sleep.


      • Oh god it so has kicked in!!
        I know that feeling, when you need sleep who cares how they sleep as long as they do! Whatever you’re doing, it’s all good though lovely xx


  6. Oh bless you, when ever I get slightly broody I remember the first weeks when they just don;t sleep and when they used to have nightmares and come in my bed and kick me in the ribs…and then I regain my sanity 😉 At 9 and 11 they get up after I do thankfully! Crossed fingers they suddenly develop a liking for lie ins and um sleeping!
    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix,
    Stevie x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. With older children I mostly get sleep but we do have bouts of being woken up. One recently was a week of being woken four times a night and it reminded me of how rough I got to feel when they were younger. And how frustrating it is not to be able to think or concentrate. Great poem. It brought back memories.


  8. This is brilliant and I can totally relate. We have a 9 month old regular waker uper. Can’t go out in the evenings, don’t get and evening, don’t get unbroken sleep! It’s got to get better at some point right? Thanks for linking up to #PickNMix

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is me. Always. My youngest is 2. I will sleep when I am dead. Clever writing loved it

    Liked by 1 person

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